Exhausted

Have you ever been so fed up with your current situation that you just want to throw something at the wall?

I do.

Because I can't take everything.
Something is going wrong here and there and I WANT IT TO ALL WORK OUT NOW!

UGH!

. . .

I'm going to shower now.

InSoMnIaC

I think I'm an insomniac.

It's 12:08 AM and I can't sleep.
I have school tomorrow...
I mean.. today...

The point is that I can't sleep.
No one is up that I can talk to
and I just feel like blabbing myself out to someone.

. . .

Now I've got nothing to say
It's like I've got writer's block
But...
I'm NOT tired AT ALL
This is horrible...

I think I'm going to...

I'll think of something.

Jazz - That's All You're Getting

Monday

I was supposed to do something with Monster today.

But I didn't...

I'm kind of depressed now...

Maybe tomorrow?



So I was thinking a few nights ago.
Didn't feel like writing it down.
BUT I was thinking.

My mom was watching this... Ancient Alien thing.
Like how the ancient people could build all this stuff without electionics.
And I was thinking in my head
Let it be
Somethings are better as secrets and mysteries.

But these people were blabbing on about
Aliens
And
Other Beings.

I could understand that
But really?
Maybe they just didn't write everything down
Maybe we lost it
I don't know.

Then they're saying
Everything Happens for a reason

And that's when I really started to think.

Everything happens for a reason?
Who's reason?

I guess if you're really religious
(Which I am not)
No offence.
You would say God's reason.

But what about your reason?

You have control of your body right?
You could commit suicide at any moment if you wanted to
You could go to texas by walking if you realy felt like it
Who says you can't?

SO this is what I thought of
Everything happens for a reason, but that reason is your own.

And then people are talking about how You're sexuality is a choice

Well.. Yeah it's choice,
You have a choice to look like a pig for all I care
But the who "You can chose to be gay" thing
Uh  huh.
I don't think so.

That's like saying
"Huh, maybe today I can fly"

Not going to happen unless you chose to grow wings
Which is definitely not happening.

Being straight of gay... You're born with it.
You come to the conclusion throughout your life
Not by waking up one day saying
"I think I'll go straight today..."

Well, I guess you could do that
But that's beside the point
You can't chose who you're attracted too
It just happens

Strange how a 14 year old can put so much thought into this in a few hours

Yes, I said it
I am 14 now

How was my birthday?
Could have been better.
But I don't feel like explaining that now.

Have you ever looked through a bunch of trash in your house
Stuff that's been lying around for years and you just haven't cleaned it up?
Well I cleaned my room last night.
I know! I cleaned my room!
Well, I like my room clean,
So I do it everytime I feel the need to clean it.
Which is...
Every...
3 weeks?
maybe each month?
My room isn't that dirty.

So i was looking through all my stuff
And I found this paper
And it just suprised me what was on it
I'm not sure if it was a poem
Or if I was really saying it.
But either way, I wrote it down
And it meant something

"Today's the Day
When I stop crying
Maybe not today
But that Day will come"

It may see like a bunch of
Nothing to you,
but when I read it
It freaked me out.

What happened?
I can't remember.
It's so...
Strange.

That day will come...

Maybe it already has.


Live well.
Breathe well.
Don't look back.

Jazz - That's All You're Getting

Writing a Question

I'm a writer

Did I ever tell you that?

Well, I'm a writer and I love to write.

WOW

I know, suprise suprise right?

I wonder how I could get pusblished, a very oblivious question right?

But it doesn't mean I don't want an answer.


Live Well.
Breathe Well.
Don't Look Back.

Jazz - That's all Your Getting

Tuesday

Have you ever expected something, but got a different result?

Or have you ever walked to a place you thought was right there, but it was five blocks farther?

Today.

Well,
it's complecated.

My friend,
Let's call her Monster.
She comes over to my house.
We plan this.
We plan to walk to Starbucks.
Yum.
And my other friend.
Let's call her Twin.
She comes over.
We sorta plan this.
And she brings her guitar because she's supposed to teach our other friend,
He lives behind me,
Let's call him Zukeenie,
how to read guitar music.

And Zukeenie invites Twin,
TO MY HOUSE.
Not his.

Strange,
huh?

Well, I didn't really mind,
because,
well,
I already said she could come over if she wanted to.

We start to walk to Starbucks.
And we pass Zukeenie's Street.
Since it is right behind mine.
And Twin calls him.
He picks up,
says he can't come with us,
he's doing "flashcards".
Twin says,
"Bring them with you!"
He hangs up.
I really want to just go.
If he can't go,
oh well.
But twin wants to wait.
So she calls him.
It goes straight to voicemail.
She leaves a long message.
We are waiting for ten minutes.
Monster says,
"Let's just go. He can meet us there."
I agree.
Twin feels bad,
but I tell her not to.

So we arrive at Starbucks.
I get the usual.
A Mint Mocha with Whipped Cream.
I add the cinnamon pouder, Vanilla pouder, and some chocolate pouder to it.
Monster gets an iced coffee,
or something like that.
No whipped cream.
She adds the same pouders I do.
Twin gets
A Mint Mocha Frappacino with Whipped Cream.
(I call her twin because we think so much a like.)
She doesn't add anything to it.
Monster gets a coffee cake.
I get a Lemon Loaf.
Same old,
Same old.
Twin doesn't get food.
We go outside and sit.
He have this little table facing the street,
but it's kinda hidden behind a colum.
It's so peaceful,
even if we are by a major street.
And Monster goes inside to mix her pouders in her drink.
Twin goes to get something.
I check my texts.
I have 3.
All from Zukeenie.

They read.

"Wow, thanks for leaving."

"You guys are sooooo nice, Im joking. You guys suck."

"Now I have to clean my house, thanks."

 And I'm reading these.
And Twin comes back,
she asks,
"What's wrong?"
I say,
"Did you get texts from Zukeenie?"
She checks.
She has one more then I do.
It says,
"I was talking to my mom, thanks alot."

We have nothing to say.
We tell Monster when she gets back.
Twin feels really bad,
I don't.
He didn't come out,
Too bad,
Next time.
Twin calls him,
it's a voice mail.
She says,
"Wow, why are you so upset, we like waited fifteen minutes.
Don't ge mad at us. Sorry."
She says some other things,
then hangs up.

"I'M HUNGRY!"
Twin announces.
I laugh.
Monster smirks.
Burger King is across the street,
and a little back.
"Alright, let's go there."
And we do.

Twin gets a Whopper Jr.
She only had two dollers.
Monster and I split medium Fries.
We sit near the back.
And we laugh,
all at the old jokes that have happened.
I ask,
"You want to walk to the Galla?"
Monster says,
"Why not?"
Twin agrees.

We leave Burger King,
and we start to walk to the galla.
I forgot to wear socks with my Enzo boots.
My feet hurt like "insert word."
(be creative)
And Zukeenie calls Twin,
"Meet me at Guitar Center!"
"Um... Okay,"
she replies.
It's across from the Galla,
not that bad.
We continue to walk.
Monster and I start to cheer,
the one from "Speak"

"WE ARE HORNETS!
HORNY HORNY HORNETS!
EVERY WHERE WE GO,
PEOPLE WANT TO KNOW!
WHO WE ARE!
SO WE TELL 'EM!
WE ARE HORNETS!
HORNY HORNY HORNETS!"

Yes,
It sounds weird.
That was the point.
It's quite funny.

Twin gets a text from Zukeenie.
It says,

"Hey, drove past you guys walking. See you at Guitar Center!"

And we stop.
All of our mouths drop.

"EXCUSE ME?!"

I was,
like,
insulted?
That was so,
so,
there was no word.
I mean,
if you see a friend,
or friends for that matter
walking down the street,
to a place that is,
what,
a mile or two away,
you don't just pass them!
I mean,
kind much?!

I wouldn't have minded if the text said,

"Drove past and saw you guys walking. Asked if we could pick you up, but there's no room___ or___ Mom won't let us. Sorry!"

Or I wouldn't have minded if he didn't say anything at all.

We had to walk another mile to the galla.

Our feet were killing us.

Twin was in Doc Martins (they didn't hurt her.)
Monster was in vans (and in my tights and shorts.)
I was in my Enzo boots (I forgot socks!)

SO we went to the Vans Store
it was on the way.
And I bought socks.
They are purple red flannel pattern.
They are amazing.

So after that,
we see aardvarks.
And we're like,
we could have gone there!

We continue our walk to the Galla.
We are dying,
I mean,
the walk is about 2 or 3 miles.
With some hills,
though not steep,
but stop and go,
and it was challenging
My dad says so too.
He was surprised I walked there.

So as we're walking,
Twin starts to cheer the bust song.

"WE MUST!
WE MUST!
WE MUST INCREASE OUR BUST!"

It's quite funny.

And Monster, Twin, and I cheer the "Hornet Cheer."

When we're infront of the Galla,
Twin calls Zukeenie,
"WE'RE AT THE GALLA! COME MEET US!"
I just wanted him to go back to his house.
He was being so,
PMS-y for a guy.
I didn't like it.

So Monster and I RAN into Normstrom.
Yeah, RAN.
And I wanted lip gloss.
So Monster got me some.
It was the one I wanted!

HOLIDAY
ANGEL

Philosophy: Kisses are Heavenly

by;
PHILOSOPHY.

I LOVE IT!
I'm wearing it now,
loving it. :)

Zukeenie caught up to us with Twin.
Yay...

We all went to FOREVER 21
and Monster, Twin, and I tried on dresses.
I triend on this slutty Hollywood like dress.
 If it was a bit longer,
and I was wearing leggings,
it probably wouldn't be that bad.
But it wasn't like that,
and I wasn't wearing leggings.
So,
there you go.

Then we got Candy,
so we could have some fun with it. :)

So after that,
we went to Tilly's.
Just to look.

Then we got some food.
Well, Zukeenie and Twin.
Monster and I had candy.

Then we all went to WINSOR.

We tried on dresses.
(except Zukeenie)
I had the most amazing black dress.
Twin had the most amazing blue mermaid dress.
Monster... didn't find one she liked.

Twin and I went to Hottopic.
Monster and Zukeenie went to Footlocker.
Twin and I try on crowns from HT.
We see two very... interesting guys.
Well, one of them was.
We took pictures of the crown.
One of them yelled
"MYSPACE PICTURES!"
and Twin yelled,
"Shut up!"

Then we met Monster and Zukeenie at the food court.

We saw the guys again walking to the elevator.

They we're staring at me and Twin.
Or maybe just her.
Or maybe just me.
I don't know.

We had to leave around 5:10.
My mom was picking Monster, Twin, and I outside Khols around 5:30.
Zukeenie asks if he could have a ride.
I say,
"There's no more room in my car."
He bought it.
Until Twin said,
"Um, yeah there is."
Then I go,
"No there isn't."
Zukeenie goes
"Wow, not cool Jazz."
I say,
"Well, my mom only knows about me, Twin, and Monster. Sorry."
It was true.
"Wow, you're a jerk."
What?! It was true!
He gets a ride, and has to walk to Target across the street.
"Bye!"
He says.
He hugs Monster and Twin,
Not me.
"You don't get a hug. You're a jerk."
"I am a jerk."
And I go sit on a bench.

Monster and Twin join me.
We're talking about what happened today.
And guess who we see?
The two guys,
this time with a bunch of "Scene People"
well,
somewhat poseur Scene People.

The Guy with darker hair sees me and Twin.
He snickers and points to us so the Blonde on can see.

"You looking for a good time?" the brunett asks.

I Smirk, "Are you?" I say with sass.

"Uh... Yeah..?.." he replies. It was pretty lame. I smirk again.

I won.

He tried to laugh it off with his friends.

When they pass us
Monster Flips them off.

Twin and I laugh.

Twin says, "Haha, freaks. Too bad the blonde was hott..."

I laugh.

Yeah, too bad.
"Insert Word." Head.

Like Jerk Head.

Or Poo Head.

Be creative.

Monster gets picked up at my house.

My mom drives Twin home.

My feet hurt.

Haha.

But I love my lip gloss.

"Sometimes a Smile is worth more then Words."

- J.A.S.

I had a good time today.

I don't know how to describe it.

haha.

I'm smirking.

Can you Tell?

Don't tell me.

I want it to be a surprise.

Live Well.
Breathe Well.
And don't look back.

Jazz - ThatsAllYourGetting

Monday

Have you ever felt so tired that you're not?
Or if you're really hungry, but you can't eat because it seems your stomach started to digest itself and all you feel is sick and, well, not hungry?

Kinda how I feel.

Let's see if I can describe myself.
And what I plan to do.

I am 5'4.
I have chocolate eyes.
Short, shoulder length hair that's usually midnight brown.
But is now a lighter redish-brown color.
I am of Asian-American mixed.
I like art.
I like how when I paint, and I get it all over my hands,
It makes me feel like I've accomplished something.
I love that feeling.
I like to read.
I hate Twilight.
Don't judge me.
I love to write.
Obviously.
I love reading poetry,
It's like a window into someone's mind.
Have you felt like that?

I am 13.

Did I surprise you?

Oh.
I like surprises.
It makes me feel like I have no control over anything.
And I like that feeling.
Like I'm on a ride,
and I have absolutely no clue where I'm going.
That's everyday.

My other blog.
"IT'S ALL FICTION."

It's more of a story I'm writing.
I want to see how it turns out.
But that can be a secret, can't it?
Unless you read this, then I guess it's not anymore.

Sorry.

I wonder if someone will actually read this.
You can never know, huh?

Today.

Do you really want to know what I did today?

Well, I'll tell you, because I can't really know the answer, now can I?
Don't hate me for that.

Today.

I went with my grandparents shopping.
Yeah, interesting, huh?
Sarcasm, I'm reading your mind.
Ha.

So, we went to the Newport Gallaria.
That place is huge.
Have you been there?
Well, if you haven't, it is like New York on a smaller scale.

No joke.
Maybe exaggeration.
But not a joke.

It's got like DG and Coach and Prada.
Well, Prada's still being finished.
But I hope you get the point.
I think it's two stories.
Very beautiful building.
Got little cafe's and shops.
Most of it is major stores.
It has SaxFifthAvenue
Macy's
Bloomingdales
and Normstrom.
I looked through almost every store.
They have this one store
Wet Seal
It looked pretty cool.
I didn't go in though.
Maybe I should have.

So,
We went into a lot of stores.
I was kinda surprised, since my grandparents are...
Well, they're my grandparents.
No direspect to them.

By the Way,
As I write this,
My ipod is playing
"That's what you get"
by Paramore.
My ipod is on shuffle.
But I thought it kinda fit what I was writing.
Well, sort of...

Anyways.
They surprised me.
I told you I like surprises.

So after about an hour of wandering,
We went to eat at a Cafe.
Except it was spelled "SOMETHING CAFFE"
(the something was a name that I don't remember.)
So it wasn't French.
It was Italian.
Isn't that strange?
I think it's funny.

So we ate at the Italian Caffe.
I got this pasta,
but it was like,
a desert pasta.
It had brown sugar
and pumpkin
and sage.
I couldn't eat it.
It was, so
Unlunchlike
and it just,
couldn't be eaten by me then.
I mean,
don't get me wrong,
it was goooooooooooooodddddd.
I mean,
YUM!
But I just couldn't eat it.
I hope you don't get that feeling eating something,
it makes you all sad
because it's so good,
but you just know it's not right.

So my grandparents and I talk about stuff.
Future stuff.
Like college and
Stuff.
And my grandpa is fasinated by all the pictures that are around us.
There was two lovers,
and fryers.
That was his favorite.
And then there was one,
with two boys,
using plants,
to sword fight.

I liked that one.

So after we eat,
we go back to Sephora
and I got a Make-up consoltaion.
You know, when someone does your make up
and tells you what to put on.
Yeah, that.
So, I got one.
And the lady used Stila.
And my grandma bought me the make-up.
It was a lot of money.
And I feel bad because
well,
the money was spent on make-up.
And not,
well,
something more productive.
I don't like this feeling.
But I like the make-up.
What I really wanted was this lip-gloss.
That was it.
And they didn't have it.
So, I could have just got that lip gloss somewhere else,
right?
But no,
I got the make-up.
I guess that's good.
At least I have eye shadow
and stuff.

Still want that lip gloss.
It was
ANGEL
KISS ME
by
PHILOSOPHY

and it smelled good,
and it didn't make my lips all sticky
or dry
or anything.
It was just good.
I hope I can get that some day.
I liked it a lot.

But anyways.
I got a bunch of make-up for my birthday,
and it's not until December.
But you see,
my grandparents live in Oregon.
And I live here.
L.A.

In a little beach town.

Well, it's not so little.


So they came,
for the week,
or so.
Cause I'm off all of Thanksgiving week.
It's cool.


I thank them a lot.
Like, a lot a lot.
But I still feel
like I want to thank them more.
I mean,
I didn't know what I wanted.
And they took me shopping
going with the flow.
I think that's cool.

Still thinking about the lip gloss.
I know I shouldn't.
But I'm a strange girl.

And I mean,
if you tried that stuff.
You might still think about it too.
Ha.
Or maybe not.
Maybe you have something better to do.

"All the World's a stage, and all the men and women are merely players."

-William Shakespeare

It fits,
don't you think?

I do.


Live well.
Breathe well.
And don't look back.

Jazz -  That'sAllYourGetting